It's a new year, 1-1-11. And it's time.
Time to dispell the rumors and the stereotypes.
Time to put to rest the silly and sometimes embarrassing assessment of the "secrets" of a Southern Belle. For example, About.com neatly ascribes a list so anyone who can follow a recipe for boiled water can suddenly transform herself into a parasol-totin', sweet tea swiggin', honeysuckle drippy-drawled coquette in a dozen easy steps.
Here's How:
- Offer Mint Julep or Iced Tea to everyone who visits your house.
- Eat grits everyday for breakfast.
- Refer to your house as "The Plantation" no matter how small your house may be.
- Refer to all men as "gentlemen caller" or "beaux".
- Never let a man know you're interested or chase him because you know there are too many men who want you for you to expend the extra effort.
- When you have a dating dilemma and have one gentleman caller over when you are expecting another, claim to be "expired" and excuse yourself for a nap until he leaves.
- Whenever you are asked to do any work, fan yourself and claim to have the "vapors."
- Refer to every party you go to, even a kegger at the local university, as a "cotillion." All other parties are yankee garbage.
- Try to use words like "darlin'", "sweet" or "precious" in every sentence.
- Belong to a country club. If you don't, refer to any club you belong to as a "country club". No one will know the difference.
- Set under a magnolia tree with a parasol fanning yourself often. Passers-by will take notice of your belle-ness.
- Never marry a Yankee unless you want to be a Yankee by association.
Well, toss that rubbish in the trash and get ready to take notes. Not only is About.com's advice offensively inaccurate, it is grammatically incorrect, clearly not written by a southern belle.
Like a perfect pearl found in nature, some southern belles are simply born into circumstances that instinctively mold them over time into pristine models of southern beauty, grace, and charm. However, the overwhelming majority of southern belles are purposefully cultured, like cultured pearls, and are no less beautiful, valuable, or desirable. Because whether that sand naturally found itself lodged in the oyster shell or whether it was intentionally put there, makes no difference. Time, environment, and effort cultivate the pearl.
To be an authentic Southern Belle, you must take the time and effort to create your environment and fill it with ...
- Strength of Character,
- Femininity,
- Moxy,
- Respect for God, Family, Traditions, History, and Community,
- Humor,
- Patience, Kindness, and Compassion,
- Optimism,
- Hospitality, manners, etiquette, and other social graces,
- Flirtatious, yet chaste, demeanor, chivalry, and lastly,
- Radiant and enchanting warmth, charm, and graciousness.
In as simple a manner as possible, this is the heart and core of a Southern Belle. The remaining lessons to learn are simply accessories and accoutrements and finer details. For example, let's address the faux advice from About.com...
- Offer Mint Julep or Iced Tea to everyone who visits your house.
Rubbish! And on so many levels.
A southern belle does not live in a house or even a plantation. She resides in a home of her creation where she warmly welcomes family, friends, neighbors and even strangers, for by welcoming strangers she may be entertaining angels.
Her gracious hospitality naturally offers a beverage to any guest in her home, but there are numerous delicious and welcoming libations besides mint juleps and sweet tea.
- Eat grits everyday for breakfast
Lawd a' Mercy! Grits are not just for breakfast. Our About.com author needs to be introduced Shrimp and Grits for supper, and quickly! And how boring to eat grits every, every day. A southern belle's culinary repertoire is vast and delicious and definitely includes grits, but is not in any way beholdin' to serving them every day.
Just ask Katherine Marie Housley whose beautiful photographs are shown above. She is one of many young ladies who have attended the Athenaeum's 1861 Girl's School, where Southern Belles are made. And if you are past "girls' school" age, there is a Southern Belle ladies weekend available just for you. Being a Belle is more than peppering your speech with "darlin'" and "ya'll," and Charm of the Carolines is dedicating 2011 to show you the way.
You are a true Belle. Looking forward to the lessons of 2011. Happy New Year from California.
Posted by: Susy | Saturday, January 01, 2011 at 11:20 AM
Your updated version of "How to be a Southern Belle" was darling. Though a Yankee, my fascination with Ladies of the South and their lovely demeanor is something I still long to emulate. But, as a Yankee, I WANT the Mint Julep and I WANT the big dress and, my dear, I REALLY want the staircase I can glide down in front of a room full of gentlemen admirers! Let us poor Northern farm women have our dream, will you?
(Tongue-in-cheek)
P.S. How do you make a "real" Mint Julep
Posted by: Ginger Marcinkowski | Monday, January 10, 2011 at 07:13 PM
Ginger, Dahlin', you can have the mint julep and the sweet tea and the big dress and the descending the staircase to beaux, just keep in mind those are the eccoutrements. First develope the core and then start accumulating the layers.
I'll post on Mint Juleps tomorrow. Stay tuned.
Susan
Posted by: Susan | Tuesday, January 11, 2011 at 08:14 AM
Oh this was such a wonderful post. My darling Grandmother was from North Carolina and always stressed the points you are talking about. However, she did marry a Yankee, during WWII and moved to PA. I was fortunate though, that she never lost her Southern Belle roots and always spent summer time in the Carolinas with her family :)
Posted by: Chrissy | Friday, February 04, 2011 at 09:48 AM
Oh my goodness, I am so glad that I found your blog! I am a Yankee transplant to Texas for my husbands job and long to learn about true Southern charm, thank you so much for this post!
Posted by: Joyness Sparkles | Friday, March 02, 2012 at 10:46 AM
Ok. With all due respect to you ladies, I cannot not say something and remain with good conscience.
Never in a day of my life have I eaten grits. To me, grits are GRITS ~ Girls Raised In The South!
I may be a bit biased, but in my (modest) opinion, a true Southern Belle has class--including absolutely correct and proper use of English spelling and grammar--most likely diligently instilled in her by her mother.
That being said, it's "moxie" and "y'all". "Y'all" is a Southern dialectical contraction of "you" and "all"....Never is it ever of "ya" and "all". Thus, the apostrophe never goes between the "a" and the "ll". I sincerely mean no offense, but it is truly like nails on a chalkboard seeing it incorrectly used.
It has been my experience that usually older generations say "darling" or, "dahrlin'" when phonetically spelled. I hear (and say!) "honey" far too frequently, and one day, I inadvertently offended a peer from PA when I addressed her with "Honey". Lesson learned. Also, it sounds more often than not, like "Hon-neeeee".
"Bless your heart" is truly a universal phrase for ANY situation. This principle has to at least make the number list.
Real "Steel Magnolias" absolutely exist. Each generation is *usually* an improved version of the one before it. Unfortunately, waaaaaay back in the generational tree it is true "good breeding" was not understood the same way it is today--if you catch my drift. Of course no one likes to talk about it, but it is what it is and honor is still honor. (This would also be a perfect situation when you would truly mean bless (his/her) heart!)
Last, but not least, true Southern belles are not made; they are born Southern belles.
However, PLEASE do not ever think there is ANYthing wrong about being a "Yankee transplant" in our southern world! We love new company! It just gives us all the more reason to warmly welcome and appreciate you if you choose to adopt our manners and values!
It's the Yankee transplant who remains a staunch Yankee transplant, making us look bad, that makes him or her a "damn Yankee"!
Oh, and my very last comment, maybe up there in Tennessee and the more "liberal" (if you will), as well as what I like to call "realistic" southern states and areas, y'all might relish Mint Juleps, but down here in the DEEP South of the Bible Belt--mention alcohol and you'll get a look that says "Go to Hell." I'm just sayin'.
Posted by: Miss Melissa M Roberts | Friday, September 28, 2012 at 01:41 PM